Since I began writing for my website life has seemed determined to throw stuff at me to ensure I don’t just spout mere theory. Like Sunday night. I’d just had the most beautiful day down the beach and I was relaxing on my bed enjoying the warm and peaceful evening, happily salty and tired. Then the phone rang.

It was somone close to me. We’ve had our troubles in the past, that’s for sure, but I thought that was all behind us. Apologies have been made and several years elapsed. I thought we’d found a way to peacefully coexist. But I was wrong. (more…)

Tom* began working at my gym a couple of months ago.  He has the shiniest eyes and the broadest smile and from the time I first met him I wanted to get to know him. His open, welcoming expression and his ability to connect with everyone he meets makes him a very appealing and attractive person. You just want to be in his space and share some of his wonderful energy.

Yesterday I finally got the chance to chat to Tom. He told me that from the age of 14 he’d made the conscious decision to be a positive and happy person. He said his parents were very negative, almost bitter, and from early on he was determined not to be like them. (more…)

When does self-love dissolve into self-justification and self-righteousness? What is the difference between them, and where does the line between them lie? Here’s a real life situation which I will dissect to show where I think that line should be drawn.

I was sitting on the beach on the weekend enjoying a beautiful panoramic view of both sea and coastal shore. That is, until a young family came along. They set up one of those beach tents on the sand right in front of me, blocking almost half  my view of the water.  I overheard the father marvel at how large the tent was so I took this admission as my lead to suggest that perhaps they could move the tent further down the beach where they would not be inconveniencing anyone else. (more…)

Good strong boundaries are an absolute must for self-love. In fact self-love will always elude us without clear demarcation between what is our stuff, and what is not. The old adage ‘good fences make good neighbours’ applies as much to our emotional and spiritual life as to our physical and social life. It is in obvious and unambiguous division between what is our concern and everything else that we are able to find the space to love, respect and honour ourselves and our true desires.

The first issue is where the boundary should lie. This is more complicated than one might think. Other people so readily put their stuff onto us it is sometimes difficult to get the objectivity required to know what truly concerns us, and what has absolutely nothing to do with us. (more…)